I’ve heard, “You can’t walk in someone else’s shoes unless you are that person.” Meaning I have no way of knowing their issues and battles unless I am them.
Recently I was pretty disappointed in myself because I judged a woman on a decision she made for herself. It had nothing to do with me and not often to I find myself comparing decisions, but I questioned, “What’s wrong with her?”. Again, I remind you, her decision effects my life in no way and yet I took her decision personal.
How many times have we thought we knew best? Not for ourselves but when others have to make a decision. We have answers and advice lined up for them before they can even ask for help. Or when they come to us with an issue and express how they handled it, we may not necessarily agree because we feel we know best. Though we are listening, sometimes we lack the empathy to just be present without judgement. We don’t always know what’s best because we are limited to our own experiences and understanding, sometimes we need to refrain from commenting and just be present for another person. Ok there are the cases where abuse and harm DOES CALL FOR a mature conversation and I do believe that requires someone speaking up. I notice that women are constantly being redirected on how they should handle things. They have to be softer, wiser, understanding, passive and bounce back from being judged.
As a woman I find that there is a constant struggle to keep my emotions in check while finding the perfect balance in life. I literally celebrate small victories each day because every week is different for me. For women who believe they are 100% strong physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually all the time… unfortunately, WE DON’T BELIEVE YOU!!! Things are thrown at us from so many angles, from balancing a monthly cycle and yet continuing to smile, affirming our loved ones while we are overcoming hurt/trauma, adjusting to body changes while desiring love, working hard and yet still trying to find time to chill, and these stupid hormonal pimples that just pops up on our faces at thee WORST time…. trust me I can keep going. And though we know it’s not easy, yet women sit and judge the actions and behaviors of other women because they think they can do a better job.
Relationships are an area women of all ages are judged. They are judged for the man they pick, the type of activities that happen in the relationship, the outcome of the relationship, and God forbid if they let a good man pass them. When a woman is in a relationship and/or she gets married, some women wonder, “What was special about her? Why Did she getting chosen?”. On the other hand when women are no longer in a relationship, some women ask, “She should have known better than to be with him. What’s wrong with her?”. If the woman is in an abusive relationship, “Why did she stay? What’s wrong with her?”. And of course a successful SINGLE woman passed a certain age, is looked at as a problem. Women wonder, “Can she not keep a man? What’s wrong with her”. No matter how much a woman accomplishes, if she is not living to the standards of this world, the question lies, “What’s wrong with her?”.
Many of us know a woman who may be struggling in different areas of her life. Maybe she continues to experience a repeated cycle of drama, negativity or no progress, but it is not our purpose to speak ill on her. Nor look down on her because we don’t have the same struggle(s). She is probably battling something we ourselves may not be able to ever handle. She may look fine on the outside but internally be dying away.
I want to challenge the reader, whether a man or a woman, take the time to understand a woman close to you. She may not behave the way you think she is suppose to, she may go against you standards of living and she may actually not be the sweetest person BUT give her love. Pray for her, listen to her, allow her to make her own choices without judgement. This is her track for life not yours. You don’t have to become her best friend or hang out with her often BUT try to send her love, even if it’s in a short text.
And a little nugget if you find yourself talking negatively or judging a woman, look at one thing you see positive about her (even if it’s the way she matches her outfit, new nail color or hairstyle). Send out at least one compliment a day to a young or older woman just because.
“We Rise By Lifting Others”
Cheers to LIVING ON PURPOSE!
Liz
IMAGE: I decided to feature my grandmother at a younger age because through all her good and bad decisions, judgements and shortcomings, today she’s able to witness the product of those decisions … God, Family and Love.
