As I desperately arrive to my 10th day in my 30 days challenge I have no desire to quit. I have experienced rough days and times but never to this degree over 10 days.
Have you ever experienced a day where everything went wrong? A day when you felt like you could not find peace in anything and everything just seem to be collapsing right in front of you. Everything that seemed certain just failed you. Now take that day and stretch is out over the course of a week plus. First, a friend passes away, you are told you may have potential health complications and need additional testing, your relationship just doesn’t seem certain, work is not fulfilling, your friends can’t help you, you have isolated yourself in your home so you don’t have to deal with the world, and yet you are the center of so much that you cannot afford to breakdown. That has been my reality and more over the past week with tears ready to pour out at any moment. I can literally here depression calling my name daily, masking itself as a safe space.
As I desperately arrive to my 10th day in my 30 days challenge I have no desire to quit. I have experienced rough days and times but never to this degree over 10 days.
SB: I made a decision and invited others to firmly dedicate 30 days to intentionally spend time with God. There is another level in my faith that I know I’m being led into and I need some things to change/happen in my life. I believed/believe there is something God needs to reveal but I must be in position to hear/receive it. This includes removing distractions and replacing that time with writing, reading the Bible/books, worshiping and just having a genuine conversation with God.
I knew in my spirit there would be push back BUT these past days have been intense. It exposed me to another side of myself that I did not know was there. With each news that hit, I cope by sleeping for long hours. I wasn’t tired, I just felt that sleeping was better than being alive and dealing with my reality. There were moments where I ONLY got up because I knew people either needed my help and I couldn’t bail, my job or literally God had to pick me up out of bed. It sounds crazy to say God picked me up, but I would not be up right now had it not been for Him because I was sleeping for 12 hours prior to writing this.
When I was up, I was led to isolate myself in my prayer room, to be intentional about praying, listen to worship music, to cry, to fuss or just shutdown. God welcomed all my emotions that I just did not know how to express to others. He encouraged me to read, to share encouragement to others even when I knew I was STRUGGGGGGLING to be encouraged myself. In moments where I thought I was fine in my own strength, I was easily reminded that was temporary. I could not/cannot hold myself up without God.
The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. (Psalm 28: 7)
My Dad once told me, it’s important to keep your mind strong daily, by making sure to pray and read the Bible, otherwise the devil will take over your thoughts to confuse you and drive you crazy. I thought I was not subject to this because I did those things and felt strong, but that didn’t mean I was untouchable. Jesus says in the Bible in John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” The thief (devil) has a target on all our backs and if we think we can overcome him by ourselves we are foolish (God did that). If we think we are NOT to experience trouble because we say a few prayers and our heart is “in the right place“, think again (Jesus experienced trouble). And being a Christian does not mean you are untouchable. Making the conscious decision to live a life that honors God makes you a prime target (there’s levels to this faith walk).
If Jesus could be led by the spirit to be tempted in the desert by the devil (Matthew 4: 1-11), than who are we that we are not subject to the same/similar. This Jesus who died so that we make have LIFE and have it abundantly was tempted 3x by the devil :
To turn stones into bread (since he was hungry from fasting for 40days/nights)
To throw himself down from the highest point of the temple (to see if God would really hold his word and save him)
To bow down and worship him (devil) and in return give him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor (to abort his purpose as Christ our savior and turn his back to God)
Even though Jesus could have fell for temporary satisfaction he knew he had a greater purpose to fulfill. Instead of falling for the tricks of the enemy, he was able to counter the enemy with the word of God, empowered by the Holy Spirit. Jesus knew at the time of distress (WHO HE IS/WHOSE HE IS). He went through the suffering knowing that he could stand on the foundation of God and he was right because after it says the angels came and attended to him. Then he would go on to preach, heal, love, save, perform miracles and much more that impacts us ’til this day. Jesus was NOT set up by God to fail BUT to to be stretched into another level of faith in Him.
I know we don’t tend to discuss the process while we are in it because we make a celebration of the breakthrough BUT the fact that I am here today to write this is a breakthrough in itself. We don’t want to be judged and afraid of how we will be perceived. God forbid we are weak and people know our business! At this point, I don’t care because I know I am not the only one dealing with something. I am not sharing this to get a pat on the back or for recognition BUT to remind those dealing with something for however long, to keep fighting, the reward is greater than you think. You are not alone!
For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
I am fighting daily to keep my mind on Christ but I am not doing it alone. The Lord has been my strength! The prayers of my friends and family are keeping me as well. I truly believe if I am to share in Jesus glory I must share in his sufferings. I know that God has great plans for my life and I can’t be shaken by momentarily struggles/temptations because he will be there during/after it all to reward, honor, replace, etc however he sees fit. The challenges we experience are not ones we cannot overcome without God’s help. He knows how much we can bare and the amount of our faith. If we expect to be great we must expect to be stretched. We must learn to better utilize our time by becoming more strategic in our daily walk and be honest about your feelings (it’s ok to not be ok, stop shaming yourself). Learn to remove things, people and habits that are killing growth. We can’t use other methods as a way out, our reality is still our reality to face.
Give God a chance to help you!
I know God to be a provider, protector, lover of my soul, healer, friend, corrector, etc… I never knew Him until now to be my STRENGTH. Seriously, I do not know how BUT I am here because of God. When I take my eyes off God that is when I feel everything so stinking deeply and I feel defeated. Yes I have people I can speak to and I believe they are truly God sent, especially during these times. On the other hand, I know there are those who are hoping/praying for my downfall BUT God. He has already made up His mind about me and nothing in this world can take away God’s love for me. The love he has for me is not shifty, pending or conditional, it is DONE. Therefore, I will worship the Lord until my last breathe because He is my everything. I know I am victorious through Christ who strengthens me. I leave you with one of my favorite scriptures that has been a serious foundation for me since 2014:
“… who choose to do what pleases me and commit their lives to me. I will give them—within the walls of my house—a memorial and a name far greater than sons and daughters could give. For the name I give them is an everlasting one. It will never disappear!” (Isaiah 56:4-5)
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*People have asked me what materials do I use to study, below are links for them 🙂 Enjoy !!!
A cup of faith – One of my journals for reflecting and showing my gratitude for the day
Journal – I have many journals and have purchased them in many places but I use a regular journal to write what I hear, feelings, etc. It is always nice to look back and reflect on how far you have come in your walk.
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Praying for all your success in this journey of life.
